Man, what a topic line.

Had the chance to look these sections over carefully. A couple things I really liked:

1) These sections take the reader through important processes in a step-by-step manner. They are clear, and don't waste words. Very nicely done, and a refreshing change of pace from some rulebooks I've struggled through.

2) The succinct explanations of the player turn phases are great. I can easily see using this as a handy quick reference when playing.

3) Pointing out the different terminology involving terms, and the effects those words can have on gameplay, is very useful.

4) I like the explanation for why there is a declaration of intent to charge. That paragraph sort of pulls us out of reading some rules very carefully to remind us it's a game, which maintains the spirit I'm getting from the whole Living Rulebook.

Now a few ideas. Okay, more than a few. Quite a few in fact, and I'm not sure I explained the last one well.
Forgive me (or feel free to grant me 'the Emperor's mercy'. Your choice)!

1) Page 12
'that allows two or more'
rather than
'that allow'

2) Page 12
'you would benefit in a Campaign from taking'
rather than
'you would benefit in a campaign to take'

3) Page 12
'normally the race description will...players will earn'
rather than
'normally the race description would...players would earn'

4) Page 12
'decide on a suitable Playing Surface'
This is currently capitalized. Is that what you want?

5) Page 12
'On the same token, players must also decide what Terrain'
Just above, in 'Table Setup', terrain is not capitalized. You may wish
to write this one with lower-case letters, too.

6) Page 12
'lush forest'
rather than
'luscious forest'

7) Page 12
Perhaps 'Although you and your opponent can simply decide on victory
conditions, you can also'
rather than
'Although you can simply decide with your opponent on'

8] Page 13
'See the chapter on'
This is underlined, which is fine, but I didn't see that done anywhere else.

9) Page 13
Maybe 'This is called the Player's Turn, or simply Turn.'
rather than
'simply as Turn.'


10) Page 13
'please see the Injuries and Recoveries Sections'
The word 'Sections' may not need to be italicized or capitalized.

11) Page 13
May I suggest:
'During this phase, other events such as declaring the use of Psychic powers or attempting to call upon the power of the Waagh! happen.'
rather than
'During this phase, other events like declaring to use Psychic powers, attempt to call on the power of the Waagh!, among other situations happen.'

12) Page 14
The first two paragraphs of the Declaring Charge Intentions Phase section seem to say the same thing. I like the explanation in the first paragraph.
I'd recommend keeping the first paragraph, getting rid of part of the second paragraph, and merging them. Like so:

'If you want the fighter to engage the enemy in Hand-to-Hand combat
then you must make a special type of move, called a Charge. Without
measuring the distance, declare that your fighter is charging and indicate
which enemy fighter he is going to attack. Players are not
allowed to measure distances or move any fighters at this time. Note
than an attacker can enter Hand-to-Hand combat with more than one
enemy if the targets would...'

The italics in the middle are mine. Repeating that bit, and italicizing it, might be too much emphasis. As with all this stuff, it's your call. After all, you're the ones doing the hard work of putting it all together!

Thanks again for the help. It really makes a great difference when someone looks at the document with fresh, critical eyes.

1) These sections take the reader through important processes in a step-by-step manner. They are clear, and don't waste words. Very nicely done, and a refreshing change of pace from some rulebooks I've struggled through. Wow! I'm speechless! Glad you liked!

2) The succinct explanations of the player turn phases are great. I can easily see using this as a handy quick reference when playing. Aiming for the newbies... trying to minimize their learning curve.

3) Pointing out the different terminology involving terms, and the effects those words can have on gameplay, is very useful. Thanks!

4) I like the explanation for why there is a declaration of intent to charge. That paragraph sort of pulls us out of reading some rules very carefully to remind us it's a game, which maintains the spirit I'm getting from the whole Living Rulebook. This was a VERY early attempt to give a behind the scenes. It evolved into the 'grey boxes' that you will see later. The Grey Boxes are a no-holds-barred-free-for-all place for us (Designers) to put our two cents on the matter... as PLAYERS, and not as rule makers. One that I like in particular (because it is my very own personal view) is titled "WHY TAKE A VOLUNTARY ROUT?" (on page 50). Basically indicates that I hate voluntary routing, but I understand why (and agree with) DaBank, Dozer, JD3 and everyone else likes or uses it. It is designed by the 'ancients' (Toumas Piren et. al.) to insure that the game is fun. I included suggestions for how a group may change routing to their personal liking. We continue to use routing as written, because everyone (except me) likes it. In this grey-boxes you will find the Designers intentions, so players can truly understand what is meant.


The first two paragraphs of the Declaring Charge Intentions Phase section seem to say the same thing. I like the explanation in the first paragraph. (page 14)
You are 100% right. What a mess! I took your advise, and using your paragraph as a template, I wrote this:

Quote:

If you want the fighter to engage the enemy in Hand-to-Hand combat then you must make a special type of move, called a Charge. After the Recovery Phase declare that your fighter is charging and indicate which enemy fighter he is going to attack. Players are not allowed to measure distances or move any fighters at this time. Note than an attacker can enter Hand-To-Hand Close Combat with more than one enemy if the targets would be in base-to-base contact with the attacker. The intention of attacking more than one target must be declared at this stage. See Assault (Hand-To-Hand Close Combat) section for details.

What do you think?

All other suggestions were 100% on target! THANKS!

Going to be on maneuvers for the next few weeks, so I won't be around. When I return I'll be getting right back to work. See you then.

OK... be safe.

When you get back, please let us know... we may have a surprise for YOU.